The Ethics of Love Drugs: From Grey Marriages to Psychedelics
What Is A Grey Marriage?
In the quiet suburb of Elmwood, Anna and Michael's home stands as a testament to years of shared life.
From the outside, their marriage is the picture of stability and longevity, a goal many aspire to. But within the walls of their well-kept home, the reality is different.
Their conversations, once filled with funny and deep discussions, have diminished to polite exchanges about groceries and weather. The emotional and physical intimacy that once bound them together has faded into a comfortable yet unfulfilling routine.
Some would call this a "grey marriage"—a relationship where the warmth of love has faded into a peaceful but unsatisfying coexistence.
Anna and Michael's story isn't unique. It's a story familiar to many couples navigating the complex journey of long-term relationships. The concept of 'grey marriages' like theirs poses profound questions about the nature of love and companionship.
What if there was a way to use modern pharmaceutical technology to reignite the feelings of connection and passion that were once present in Anna and Michael’s relationship?
Would it be ethical to do so?
The Ethics of Using Love Drugs To Improve Your Relationship
It's in this context that the work of Brian Earp on love drugs becomes particularly intriguing.
Brian Earp, PhD, a bioethicist from the University of Oxford, explores the ethical and philosophical implications of using pharmacology to manipulate the fundamental emotions of love and attachment.
At the heart of Earp's exploration is the question of whether a pharmaceutical intervention could be capable of recreating the lost connection in relationships like Anna and Michael's.
Love, as Earp and science tell us, is a complex interplay of chemicals in our brain – oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin making it potentially susceptible to pharmacological enhancement.
However, the idea of manipulating these chemicals to enhance or diminish feelings of love brings us to an ethical crossroads…
Is it right to intervene in such a natural and personal process?
Can the authenticity of love be preserved even if it's chemically induced or enhanced?
The Unspoken Effects of SSRIs on Sexual Functioning and Relationships
While using chemicals to alter emotions pharmacologically might initially seem frightening, it's not entirely foreign to our current society.
Existing and widely prescribed drugs, though not primarily aimed at influencing feelings of attachment, inadvertently do so as a side effect.
Take, for instance, Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), the most commonly prescribed treatment for depression and anxiety.
However, they sometimes lead to a generalised reduction in both positive and negative feelings, a phenomenon known as "emotional blunting," as well as sexual dysfunction due to their impact on the serotonin system.
Such impacts on an individual's emotions and sexual functioning can adversely affect relationships, diminishing feelings of attachment and desire.
Real-Life Impact of SSRIs
In a notable letter published in The New York Times in 2004, a man recounted his experience:
“After two bouts of depression in 20 years, my therapist recommended I stay on serotonin-enhancing antidepressants indefinitely. While I was grateful for my regained health, I noticed my usual zest for life had turned bland. My romantic feelings for my wife drastically declined. With my therapist’s approval, I gradually stopped taking the medication. My enthusiasm and our romance returned, now as strong as ever. I’m prepared to face another bout of depression if necessary, but for me, the long-term side effects of antidepressants make them a non-option.”
Study Findings on SSRIs: Less emotions?
This account is not unique. In a significant study by scientist Adam Oprobeck, it was found that patients on SSRIs reported a significantly reduced ability to cry, feel irritation, empathise, experience sadness, engage in erotic dreaming, be creative, feel surprised, express anger, and worry, and enjoy sexual activities.
However, it's important to note that these effects are not universal among those treated with these medications.
For some, when depression can severely impact relationships, SSRIs can play a significant role in enhancing love and connection.
Recognising these nuances, it becomes clear that current medications can affect our relationships, a fact often overlooked or unknown to many.
A New Frontier in Relationships: Psychedelic-Assisted Couples Therapy
The role of psychedelics in couples therapy is starting to gain attention.
These substances are different from the theoretical love drugs discussed by Brian Earp, as they are already finding a place in therapeutic settings.
Known for their ability to reduce mental barriers and improve emotional connection, psychedelics could offer significant help to couples like Anna and Michael, who are struggling with the complex dynamics of grey marriages.
The Potential of Psychedelic Therapy for Improving Relationships
Early research on psychedelics such as psilocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, suggests that these substances might lower emotional barriers, enhance empathy, and foster a deeper understanding of one's partner, leading to a state of “psychedelic intimacy”.
They might ease difficult conversations by creating a safer emotional environment, allowing couples to tackle complex or sensitive topics with less fear and defensiveness.
This is especially helpful for addressing personal life events or unresolved issues that strain relationships. It's a way of 're-learning' intimacy and affection in a relationship that might have lost these aspects over time.
The research further suggests that psychedelics can significantly increase feelings of openness and unity—key elements that contribute to a therapeutic alliance in clinical contexts and are vital for strengthening bonds in romantic relationships.
Moreover, by promoting present-centred awareness and non-reactivity, psychedelics may enhance mindfulness, which in turn may help couples focus on each other more during interactions.
This enhanced mindfulness, combined with the heightened empathy experienced both during and after psychedelic use, could lead to new insights about one's partner and shared understanding, further deepening the emotional connection.
The Limitations of Psychedelics in Relationship Support
However, it's important to emphasise that psychedelics are not panaceas or love spells. They don't create love where it doesn’t exist.
As renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher notes, "mate choice is governed by complex interactions between our myriad experiences, as well as our biology. Altering brain chemistry can influence your basic feelings, but it can’t direct those feelings."
This statement highlights the fact that while drugs can affect how we feel, they don't control the direction of those feelings.
For psychedelics to be effective in enhancing a relationship, a fundamental level of love and attachment should already be present.
The Future of Love Drugs, Psychedelics and Relationship Healing
From Brian Earp's theoretical concepts to the practical use of MDMA and psychedelics, exploring love drugs opens up many possibilities and questions.
While psychedelics hold promise for enhancing emotional connection in relationships, they must be approached with caution, understanding, and realistic expectations.
Their true value does not lie in their ability to create emotions but in their ability to amplify and deepen the relationship that already exists, offering a unique opportunity for couples to rediscover and strengthen their emotional connection.
As we continue to navigate the intricate dynamics of love, relationships, and pharmacology, this nuanced understanding will guide us towards ethical and effective approaches in relationship and couples therapy.
You can buy Earp’s book on love drugs here.